No, I didn’t get the title wrong, it’s seriously my opinion that the gender role fundamental has evolved over the past 100 years to change the previous stereotype of what roles men and women have in this world.
OK, so that’s a bit of a mouthful of an introduction, but hear me out, see if you agree. After all, these are merely my own musings, based on my own isolated experiences of the male and female sex, and their ever evolving place in society. These are my observations, and I am trying to understand the dynamic between the people in a relationship. SO DON’T KILL ME IF IT SOUNDS SEXIST! It’s not meant that way at all. :)
We used to have the male as the aggressor, the hunter, the breadwinner. He would be out there, foraging for food (at his desk all day, playing Solitaire, the poor guy…) while the woman would be at home, cleaning the cave, watching Egoli reruns, fetching the kids from school and making sure her brave man came home to a full stomach and a quiet evening. Then, in the silence of the evening, she would make sure her man was comfortable, and not bothered by the children’s issues like homework, teenage angst, artistic crayon wall colourings, etc. It was a picture of sheer chauvinistic bliss.
So, what’s different?
Let me start with a few examples.
Now, when I walk into my local Spar, I am greeted by the sight of the following: Men are now in the Spar with their little ones in tow, frantically finding the bum cream, getting the bread and milk. The shopping list is tucked away, in their Jeep utility shorts’ deep pockets (we are, after all, the MAN (roar), we need MANLY, deep pockets for our screwdrivers, wrenches, cellphones, and baby bottles) and when no-one’s looking, they take it from their pockets and frantically tick off what they have in their baskets, and put it away quickly, lest another hunter sees them with it. After all, the man shall not use a shopping list, he is king, and he does not need a list (nor a map (he has a Garmin), nor advice on cars, nor advice on gardening, etc) to complete his task of bringing the food to the table.
In stark contrast I see many women, alone, slowly shopping in peace, quietly putting that Cadbury’s slab into the trolley (you know, the one that no one but she will know about, for she needs to feed…..alone) and quietly leaving the store with their purchases. On home, to Dad, whose long sleeve work shirt is drenched from bathing the kids, and who, quite unsuspectingly will be required to pop out to the Spar after dinner to go fetch something arbitrary, like a chocolate (because, after all, there is no chocolate in the house, and the poor kids would really like a sweetie.) or a roll of plastic to cover the kids’ school books.
What a guy, what a dad!
OK, before anyone freaks out about me being sexist, I am having a little fun. But many a true word is said in jest. If you are laughing at anything that in the previous 2 paragraphs, then you know that this is not so far from the truth. So, I will give another example.
In traffic not long ago, I sat (waiting for 45 minutes to drive 3.5km’s) amusing myself with whatever Gareth Cliff was saying, minding my own business when in front of me, in a very busy intersection, a man in a BMW X5 crossed the intersection, turning right, blocking oncoming traffic from the other direction. He had to perform an emergency stop in the intersection because of the taxi which zoomed into his lane and stopped directly where the BMW should have been, tucked away safely into the correct lane. The man in the car sighed, and gestured a bit, but did not lose control and tell the taxi driver off. Fine, I thought, situation defused, no need for any more frustration than what we were already experiencing in traffic. However, it was not to be. NOTHING could have prepared my mind for what was about to happen.
A lady, sitting in the front of the line of cars in the oncoming traffic, whose turn it was now to drive, and whose car was now blocked by the aforementioned BMW, got out of her car, stormed to the BMW driver window and proceeded to scream at the top of her lungs at this guy, banging on his window, telling him what a buffoon he was, and how he should get a real license. I thought they guy was going to shrink to the size of a pea and simply explode from embarrassment. It took 3 or so minutes of verbal abuse, and the lady walked back to her car, raced the engine, swerved around the BMW and was on her way. Oh, did I mention that she sat on her hooter from when her backside touched the seat, until she disappeared from view?
Since then I have started taking notice of the aggressors in the traffic, (because almost every day there is someone in the 3.5km’s that I travel that wants to murder someone else because they did not indicate, or they cut in front of them, or they were wearing a green shirt, or hat) and I have found that most people in the traffic that get angry to the point of swearing and gesticulating wildly, are the fairer (sic) sex.
Look, I am not trying to start a gender war here, nor am I trying to imply that all women are these monsters and men are meek mice. Not at all, many men are as guilty of random acts of stupidity as their female counterparts. I am simply pointing out that my own image of women, the one that was drummed into me by society, Hollywood, construction workers and my parents has been changed completely. And I realise, that until fairly recently, I was a closet sexist. Putting women into a gender role, forcing my own ideals of the stereotype on them. It has been a paradigm shift of NOTE! So, let me continue.
Men are now just as much the caregiver in the homes, they also change nappies, feed children, make dinner and clean the house, despite also working (read: playing Solitaire). And I can hear the feminists saying DAMN RIGHT!!. and more power to you, you are absolutely right. Men have just as much responsibility to cook, clean and take care of their offspring as women do. However, a disturbing trend emerges.
Many women, fuelled by the hunger for success, the lack of sleep (from babies) and insane hormone shifts (yes, only for about a week most times) become even more serious aggressors than I have seen men in my life. I have witnessed many women who are insanely jealous, or seriously aggressive, and who look like they are under the influence of that Greek god of war, Mars. I love women, I love their mostly soft nature, their sensitivity, their ability to think out of the box, but I get concerned when I see a shift in the fundamentals that I have held for so many of my obviously uninformed life.
My concern is this:
If you have 2 people in a relationship (and I mean with all types of relationships) that are aggressively pursuing life, both who are hungry for success, who are both driven by testosterone, what will happen? Surely it’s a recipe for disaster? I have always had a belief that everything in life is about equilibrium, for every strength, you need a weakness, and for every flaw, you need a perfection. The same should apply in a relationship, shouldn’t it? That type of passive/aggressive symbiosis should exist, because otherwise there is disaster on the horizon. Surely there will be a boiling point where these personalities will lock horns, and one will run off with his/her tail tucked between their legs. The relationship between partners will have to fundamentally shift to where both are happy to be passive when the other is the aggressor, and vice versa. HOW THE HELL ARE WE DOING TO GET THAT RIGHT? We are, after all from different planets!!!
So, I suppose my question is this. Am I making a mountain out of a molehill to satisfy my drama hungry mind? Or am I right in my observations, and are we headed for disaster as the sexes evolve? Is this a uniquely South African thing that I have noticed in my own insulated life? Or will men evolve to also become the passive homemaker and allow women to take the role of the hunter?
They are DAMN good at it.
Many men have changed already, and they seem to easily don the influence of that Greek god Venus and settle down as worker and caregiver and become a more passive person. More power to them too, if they are happy in life, far be it from anyone to cast a stone.
I know that if I was a deer, a zebra, or a doughnut, I would be afraid of that lady in the high heels touting the spear. She means business.
Take care of yourselves
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